Merry Christmas To Our Boy!

Merry Christmas Sydney!  We love and miss you so much sweet boy!  The holidays are so hard to celebrate without you in our arms.  I know you’re safe in Jesus’ arms and you’re in heaven celebrating Jesus’ Birthday.  You’re such a special blessing!  

Your daddy and mommy are in a much better place than we were last year when you first passed away and our pain was so new and immense.  We were still in shock, numb and feeling so much pain especially during the first few months.  It took all of our strength just to get through the holidays without you, but we did it.  Some how together we put one foot in front of the other.  Over time, we have learned how to accept the pain, we have learned how to live with it everyday, and we have tried to build strength in our days.  Now we are finding more peace and can find happy moments once again during the holiday season but it doesn’t make us miss you any less.  We still have moments that sting.  Our happy moments are different without your presence.  We are even more grateful for all the blessings in our life.  You taught us that.  Thank you for being a special boy, for being you, and for being our son.  We are so proud to be your parents. 

Last year we bought you your first Christmas ornament and this year we bought two more for you.  This would have been your second Christmas with us and you would have been 14 months old. We want to continue this tradition of collecting ornaments every year for you.  It makes us happy to acknowledge you this way.  

The other day I thought about this tradition and I felt such sadness along with the joy.  As much as we find comfort in collecting ornaments for you, it also makes me sad to think of our house being filled with ornaments that we’ve collected for you but you’re not here.  I thought about what it would be like 17 years from now, with 17 or more ornaments, and the thought of you not being here as an eighteen year old man....the young adult we would have watched grow all of these years.  I feel such sadness that daddy and mommy don’t get to be a part of everyday life.  How I wish you were here.  You will always be the light in our hearts, always and forever.

A Day of Remembrance

On October 15th we acknowledged the special day, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It’s the day dedicated to those who have lost children; whether the loss occurred from miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, SIDS or infant loss. It’s the time to provide support, raise awareness and education on the loss of a baby.

It’s the day when the Wave of Light takes place. Families light a candle at 7pm in all times zones all over the world so there is a continuous wave of light shining in honor of our little ones, who are gone too soon.

My husband and I bought bracelets for our family members to wear to acknowledge our son’s life and this special day. We bought ourselves bracelets that read “Daddy of an Angel” and “Mommy of an Angel.” And for our parents we bought: “Grandma of an Angel” and “Grandpa of an Angel.” We also bought bracelets for my sisters and brother-in-law.

We received a special package from one of my sisters. She sent us a special awareness pin signified by a pink & blue enamel ribbon with a butterfly. She also sent a candle with the quote that reads: [Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me...for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14] and she wrote our son’s name and birthdate on the glass votive. Later on we received a beautiful mosaic tile from her to honor our little angel Sydney.....beloved son, nephew, cousin, grandson and big brother.