Merry Christmas To Our Boy!

Merry Christmas Sydney!  We love and miss you so much sweet boy!  The holidays are so hard to celebrate without you in our arms.  I know you’re safe in Jesus’ arms and you’re in heaven celebrating Jesus’ Birthday.  You’re such a special blessing!  

Your daddy and mommy are in a much better place than we were last year when you first passed away and our pain was so new and immense.  We were still in shock, numb and feeling so much pain especially during the first few months.  It took all of our strength just to get through the holidays without you, but we did it.  Some how together we put one foot in front of the other.  Over time, we have learned how to accept the pain, we have learned how to live with it everyday, and we have tried to build strength in our days.  Now we are finding more peace and can find happy moments once again during the holiday season but it doesn’t make us miss you any less.  We still have moments that sting.  Our happy moments are different without your presence.  We are even more grateful for all the blessings in our life.  You taught us that.  Thank you for being a special boy, for being you, and for being our son.  We are so proud to be your parents. 

Last year we bought you your first Christmas ornament and this year we bought two more for you.  This would have been your second Christmas with us and you would have been 14 months old. We want to continue this tradition of collecting ornaments every year for you.  It makes us happy to acknowledge you this way.  

The other day I thought about this tradition and I felt such sadness along with the joy.  As much as we find comfort in collecting ornaments for you, it also makes me sad to think of our house being filled with ornaments that we’ve collected for you but you’re not here.  I thought about what it would be like 17 years from now, with 17 or more ornaments, and the thought of you not being here as an eighteen year old man....the young adult we would have watched grow all of these years.  I feel such sadness that daddy and mommy don’t get to be a part of everyday life.  How I wish you were here.  You will always be the light in our hearts, always and forever.

A Day of Remembrance

On October 15th we acknowledged the special day, Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day. It’s the day dedicated to those who have lost children; whether the loss occurred from miscarriage, an ectopic pregnancy, stillbirth, SIDS or infant loss. It’s the time to provide support, raise awareness and education on the loss of a baby.

It’s the day when the Wave of Light takes place. Families light a candle at 7pm in all times zones all over the world so there is a continuous wave of light shining in honor of our little ones, who are gone too soon.

My husband and I bought bracelets for our family members to wear to acknowledge our son’s life and this special day. We bought ourselves bracelets that read “Daddy of an Angel” and “Mommy of an Angel.” And for our parents we bought: “Grandma of an Angel” and “Grandpa of an Angel.” We also bought bracelets for my sisters and brother-in-law.

We received a special package from one of my sisters. She sent us a special awareness pin signified by a pink & blue enamel ribbon with a butterfly. She also sent a candle with the quote that reads: [Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me...for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” Matthew 19:14] and she wrote our son’s name and birthdate on the glass votive. Later on we received a beautiful mosaic tile from her to honor our little angel Sydney.....beloved son, nephew, cousin, grandson and big brother.

Sydney’s 1st Year Angelversary

To acknowledge our son’s 1st year Angelversary (1st birthday in Heaven) on October 1st, we headed to Oregon to visit the Angel of Hope memorial. We decided to leave shiny good luck quarters all over the city in Seattle and Oregon for our son. Each quarter was marked with little heart stickers and placed in spots that are special to us, in places where we would have taken our son. It was our way of spreading his love and expressing our love for our boy while giving hope & luck to others. We wanted to be generous and use quarters instead of pennies. Before heading to Oregon, we stopped at one of our favorite bakeries, Macrina, and my husband left a special quarter on the creamer station counter top for someone to find. We also stopped at Costco and left a quarter outside by the shopping carts. Once we arrived in Oregon, we left more quarters at the Angel of Hope. We left one at West Elm near a lovely Libra mug. Our son’s birth sign is Libra since his birthday is October 1st. We continued to leave special quarters in restaurants and anywhere we would have taken our boy.

This was our second visit to the memorial for our son Sydney. Our first visit was last April. We brought an autumn plant with a “Happy Birthday” ribbon, a pumpkin candle to light and we released orange balloons for our autumn angel, Sydney. The balloons were released with love and had loving messages we wrote from us and our family members. Of course, the messages included Sydney’s furry siblings, our pets: Lei-la and Kona (shepherd mixed girl and a French Bulldog boy). We brought our pets on the visit too.

It’s been a hard year without our son in our arms. It was nice to honor him on this very special day. It feels comforting to come to the Angel of Hope to acknowledge our son and celebrate his short but joyous life.

This visit felt even more special this time because I’m carrying his younger sibling, a Rainbow (a miracle baby conceived after the loss of a child). On our previous visit to this memorial, we saw a rainbow in the sky shortly after we released balloons for our son. We feel that our son sent us a rainbow in the sky that day and we also feel like he had a hand in sending us our Rainbow baby. We look forward to the day when we can visit the Angel of Hope to honor our son with his little sibling in our arms.

Definition of a Rainbow Baby

From our support groups, we learned about the term “Rainbow Baby”. I would like to share this beautiful definition:

A rainbow baby is a (miracle) baby conceived after the loss of another child.
 
"Rainbow Babies" are the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it does not mean that the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and the clouds. Storm clouds may still loom over but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy, and much needed hope. 

Happy Halloween Sydney!

To our beautiful boy in Heaven, Happy Halloween!!!

It’s hard to look back and remember how painful Halloween was for us last year. Time has brought some healing, but I think Halloween will always be hard without you dear son. We love and miss you more than words could ever express.
Love Always, Daddy and Mommy

Honoring Our Angels

Honoring Our Angels

Honoring Our Angels

Honoring Our Angels

Honoring Our Angels

Honoring Our Angels O:-)

My angel’s birthday (1st year Angel-versary) is this weekend on October 1st. Of course hubby and I will be acknowledging his special day and sending our love to him as always. In honor of my angel, Sydney Allen, and all of the angel babies, I wanted to personalize the angel images that I drew with the names of his little angel friends.

Angel of Hope

Once we hit the 6th month mark of our son being gone, my husband and I hit a low point just when we thought that we were learning to cope with this new life. It was as if living with the pain from missing him for so long, began to take its toll on us. We needed to be close to our son and feel his presence. I read about the Angel of Hope and we decided to travel to see it. The Angel of Hope is a memorial statue dedicated to families who have lost children. Although there are several statues located around the U.S., we do not have one in our state so we drove to the nearest one in Oregon. The base of the statue reads:

With hope in its wings, this Angel Memorial is dedicated as a place of love and healing for all those who have lost children.

You are invited to leave a white flower at its base as a symbol of purity and love.

We brought orange balloons, Gerber daisies and a ceramic angel ornament that I created of my son. We wrote on the balloons and released them up to our son. We watched as they disappeared far into the clouds, then a few seconds later a rainbow appeared. It was truly a special moment. We felt his presence. We felt so at peace and we carried this quiet joy with us for the rest of the day!

Missing Sydney

In October 2010, we chose a moon shaped urn for our son. The circular shape reminds us of the sun and the moon.....he is as beautiful as the sun, moon and beyond. We feel comforted to have his ashes with us, we couldn’t part with them.